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RELATIONSHIP:
Pulling Your Own Strings
Victor Ifeh
Everybody can achieve a happy and fulfilling life if indeed he or she decides to take full charge of his or her affairs. The ancient philosopher Epicetus wrote in his Discourses, "No man is free who is not master of himself". Ralph Waldo Emerson also said in his work Self Reliance "Nothing can bring you peace but yourself", never place total reliance in anyone other than yourself when it comes to guiding your own life. Have your eyes wide open so that you can size up situations as they arise. Go into every situation expecting to attain your goals. If you let others fight your battles for you, you will just get better at evading your own lights and reinforce your fear of being yourself. If you allow your families and friends to pull your strings, they can pull so hard, sometimes in different directions that they tear you apart.
Self confidence is paramount in everyday living. If you lack self-esteem, then you will look to others for a verification of your esteem and this creates a problem. Yourself-worth derives from your inner self. You must believe in it and act accordingly. Being effective simply means that you apply all your personal resources and use all available strategies short of stepping on others to achieve your objectives. No one in this world can hurt you unless you allow it. If you have to have a guarantee that everything will be all right before you take a risk, you will never get off because no one is promised the future. We should develop fear-challenging behaviour. You will never know what it feels to get rid of a fear until you risk behaviour that you confront it. We cannot gather experience from books.
Why should you run your life on the basis of what others say? People will still gossip about you whether you say a thing or keep quiet. So, why stifle yourself to avoid gossip or rumours? What ever you do people will talk about you. It is unnecessary to bother about other people's opinion about you unless you believe that their jaundiced views on you are more important than your own self image.
Accept to live with situations you cannot change. You can never change the weather or your age. Time moves on its certain pace whether you like it or not. The world does not owe you a living or a happy life. Optimize the present circumstances and make the best of it. Do not cry over spilt milk. Never waste time on empty regrets. William Shakespeare alluded to the folly of consuming ourselves with the past in most of his plays. At one point, he admonished: "What is gone and past help should be past help should be past grief. Things without remedy should be without regard. What is done is done". Positive people learn from the past. They do not live there. Move forward to the future with hope.
Life demands courage: Courage means flying in the face of criticism, relying on yourself, being willing to accept and learn from the consequences of your choices. It implies believing enough in yourself and in living your life as you choose. Lao Tse warned: "Care about people's approval and you will be their prisoner". Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss it, you will land among the stars. Samuel Johnson counselled: "Great works are performed not only by strength but also by perseverance." John Mason stated: "It takes the hammer of persistence to drive the nail of success. Our greatest joy is not in never falling but rising every time we fall.
We should not be discouraged by unfair criticisms. Albert Einstein once cautioned: "Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. "Blind conformity leads to nowhere. It is better to die for something than to live for nothing. Eleanor Roosevelt advocated: "the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. "What happens to you is not really the issue, but how you react to situations which confront you. Challenge your constraints. Action speaks louder than words. One effective deed leaves more impression than a thousand words.
We must learn to say "No" when appropriate and stand by it. Be firm and full of conviction and your wishes will be respected. Your family is your best company, be like a friend to your spouse, your children and other members of your family. Whatever your tight schedule, devote time to enjoy your family. Enjoy every moment of your life. Remember Wilt Whitman's famous line: "To me every hour of the light and darkness is a miracle. Every cubic inch of space is a miracle." Appreciate everything you encounter along your path. Enjoy the flowers. Tune in to the sunrise. Drink it all in rather than waiting to get to a perfect point, where it will be all right for you to relax. We should stop evaluating happiness on the basis of achievements and instead look upon the whole trip of life as something to be happy about the best ideology is contentment and avoid the rat-race mentality that cripples the joy of living.
Success is a journey not a destination. The whole of life is a continuing journey full of challenges. We should keep an open mind and turn around any adversity on our way. Winston Churchill expressed: "Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm". As we aspire to reach the apex of our dreams, we should maximize every situation we find ourselves.
Culled from The Guardian: Sat.July 16, 2005
website: http://www.ngrguardiannews.com/
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